Are you a parent who is bending over backwards to provide everything for your child? Do you have a set of standards and a list of what is required to ensure your kid turns out just right?
The day I found myself pregnant with my first child, out of wedlock, “too young” and shamed by my family, I vowed to be the perfect parent, to have the perfect child.
Well, I certainly screwed that up and guess what.
He turned out fine.
When I say fine, I mean he is kind, genuine and caring. He lives in his world by his rules and that works for him. Isn’t that what most of us are asking for, to be us on our terms?
Perfection is an interesting concept and like most things, it’s all deemed by the one using the term. I mean, what is perfect to you is most likely very different than perfect to someone else and that in itself disregards perfect.
If you are someone who believes that there is a true definition of perfect, a one size fits all “rule”, then this is probably where you leave this post and move on.
If, however, you have ever found yourself striving for perfection in an area and later looked back on it to realize it wasn’t actually that significant, then stay with me, I have more.
I was a young mom with a lot of stuff going on inside my over emotional, under driven, and intensely stubborn overthinking mind combined with my fairly low sense of self worth. Getting it perfect was a big stretch at best.
I also had no idea what I was doing and some pretty backwards experiences to mimic.
I did the best I could with what I had, and I made a lot of mistakes, a lot, a lot, a lot… I say that to clearly expand on my journey as a parent. Every experience gave me a greater awareness, showed me something new and granted more information from which to choose from. The parent I am today has threads of resemblance to me as a mom way back then and at the same time, nothing is the same.
and the kicker is…..
My oldest and my youngest, each having vastly different childhoods, are no more perfect or less perfect than one another.
In doing everything wrong when it came to the right list I was handed, I managed to do everything right through an undeniable dedication to giving it my all. You see, what matters isn’t what you give, what they achieve or anything else you can scale. What matters is actually listening to who they are, being present with them in THEIR brilliance and giving them the allowance to grow and shine from who they are without trying to mold and fit them into anything.
In todays world there are enough labels and diagnosis, medications and stimulations to make everyone a misfit, a wrongness and/or a problem.
What if the gift you are to your child is the willingness to see them, truly see them and allow that to be the platform for them to grow and be?