Have YOUR own Back…

Today a got a pretty decent grade on a mid term written exam, then walked into the practical with a body part I wasn’t quite sure of.

She said, you don’t feel like a student, from the way you approach the body, to the way you massage. You have total confidence in what you are doing.

It’s interesting, I remember when I was little, I felt very shy around people, reserved and unsure. Unsure of where I fit in, unsure of what they thought when they stared at me and unsure of a world that just looked weird to me. 

I still often feel unsure…

Kids teased me A LOT.

I was really different and I came from a place where I asked a lot of questions that no one could answer and because there was an idea that I was independent, well, I was left to figure it out in my own.

I am still really different…

I try to think back and remember a moment when I knew some other person had my back, and it’s always been me.

People have suggested over the years that it’s me, it’s my stubbornness, my unwillingness to receive, my strong independence that created it.

There is an interesting thing about that…

I was that incredibly shy kid
I was that incredibly curious kid
I was that kid who was stubborn on the things I finally figured out
And
I’m willing, strong, independent and receiving…

And sometimes, that is the place others are unwilling to show up.

 

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I remember the first time I had to go on stage and I was terrified.
I had a conversation with myself and that got me through…

A conversation where I realized, no one actually knows what I’m experiencing on the inside, so even if I’m afraid, I can go out there and everyone will see what I allow them to see.

I didn’t give up being reserved and curious with people and I wasn’t shy after that day, after all, I had nothing to loose…

And

Sometimes I don’t actually have the confidence, sometimes I am unsure of me and sometimes I wonder what it’s like for others who have people that have their back.

And

I remember, some people don’t know what it’s like to have their own back…

Choice, it’s like saying to yourself, it’s okay, I’ve got you! 

2 thoughts on “Have YOUR own Back…

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