Completion, You Are One Tricky Bastard…

One of my favorite things is facilitation of others.

  • The acknowledgement, that where ever you are, what ever you are choosing in this very moment, is totally okay.
  • Asking questions, ones that create more awareness and show you that, you actually do know for you, that it isn’t something to seek outside of you.
  • The experiences, the sharing of stories for the sake of saying, hey, I get it, I have been there, and there are so many other possibilities.

I am honored each time someone chooses me as the person to contact and I am reminded of those who mentored me, acknowledged me and shared their stories with me.  How much conscious living can we create through this type of communion with others?

This brings me to several recent conversations with different people about relationships.  I have shared some aspects of this story and it’s calling now to be told again, and in this form. As always, take away anything the resonates and leave the rest….

I lived with the idea that things come to completion and I believed I could be done with issues for good, never having to revisit places I truly cleared. Evolution of my spirit meant, someday I would be healed and life would just be trigger and lesson free. I laugh as I sit here now typing, not because this was a lie, but because of how powerful that belief was.  The simplicity of changing perspective creates the bliss I was searching for and the blessing of becoming more conscious with each choice.

With that old idea intact, I knew I was complete with my relationship and yet, I wasn’t ready to let it go, I needed to find forgiveness, you can read about that here.  I spent the next year seeking each person I had a relationship with and making amends, what ever that meant to me.  This was not all, I am sorry type of amends, it included the things I didn’t say, the places I held back, the fears I faced, the love I couldn’t share or receive and clearing the “what if’s” I had lingering.  Most of these were a combination of the latter, and one significant relationship that I had been the bad guy, the one who instigated the damage.

I learned:

  • The lessons I created with the chosen ones would have been the same with the ones I didn’t choose.  I had this idea that maybe life would have been different had I chosen this person vs that person.  In going backwards, they mirrored each other and only the faces would have been different.  I was choosing from what I knew.  If all you know are cookies, you can choose different flavors of cookies, and they are still cookies. It isn’t until you get introduced to pie, that you have a significantly different choice.
  • Life did not happen to me, I created my life.
  • What ever I chose next, I would be okay. The Universe ALWAYS had my back and still does.
  • The outcome was all in how I chose to handle myself and the situation, how much I was willing to be conscious, loving and in honor of everyone involved.
  • Nothing outside of me is about me and the responsibility is in my actions.
  • It wasn’t about forgiveness and trust for anyone else, it was about honoring self, taking responsibility for my actions and trusting me to know through my own awareness.
  • Truth is change, yes, it changes as I change.   When I learned to stand in my truth, I didn’t know that it was only truth in that moment and only my truth.  What is true for me isn’t true for another and isn’t necessarily going to be true tomorrow.

At the end of this year, I went on a spiritual retreat with a circle of healers in the Grand Canyon, an event I had done before and with a group I had been part of for a long time.  During this amazing event, the amends journey was clarified and I came home to myself, to an acceptance of myself, all the parts of myself.  I had come full circle with the commitments I made that day in the Medicine Wheel wedding ceremony, the commitment I made to myself as I entered the East, the commitment I made to our relationship as we entered the south, the commitment I made to our family as we entered the west and the commitment I made to our community as we entered the north.  I held true to these things and this became who I am, not the completion that I had believed, not about the relationship that I had thought it was about, it was the transformation of me.

I came home from the retreat excited to share with my ex a vision I had about our future, our future with everything intact except the part of being his wife, his intimate partner.  I had decided I was complete in the relationship with him, that I never wanted to have sex with him again.  In my truth that day, I could not see a day where I would desire him in that way, after everything I knew, and all of those thoughts coming to the surface each moment I considered going there with him, I just wanted to be done.

I didn’t consider transformation in this relationship at the time although that is exactly what I was creating.   It’s funny to me now as the vision was to live with him in co-creation, continue the parts that worked and bring in new intimate partners.  I had this idea that we could all live in communion with each other and that is the part that really freaked him out.  It was as if I was granting him the freedom to be who I thought he had been in our relationship, we would still get the parts of our relationship that worked and I could be free to enjoy my body with another.  That isn’t what he wanted and trying to create that exact thing backfired and he moved away, literally, you can read about that here.

What has been created is the vision energetically while physically and fundamentally completely different. It’s transforming all of the time and I never know how it will look, I do know how I choose to participate shifts everything.

What are you deciding that you desire completion with that you could create more ease in your life if you brought in more allowance?

Where are you stuck in personal TRUTH that is no longer true for you except where you are forcing yourself to continue to fit into that truth and limiting your future?

What other possibilities are available to you in your current relationship that you are not aware of yet?

Where are you cutting you off in your relationship so you can choose to stay and/or let it go?

Where are you stuck in your past that you are creating your present and future from?


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