I have been dancing since I was in the womb, my mother was a dancer and danced through most of her pregnancy with me, and I love, love, love dancing, all kinds and mostly free form, wild, let it all loose dancing.
With an entire wall of my childhood home dedicated to music and my dad’s extensive music collection that spanned many decades, music became my foundation of release and comfort. Summers as a kid consisted of all night dance parties, my dad worked nights and this helped to keep us all on the same rhythm, and for me, it was pure magic and where I felt most free to be me.
Music and dancing have been my solid companion through anything I faced for as long as I can remember and today, with an extensive growing toolbox, music still comes in and calls my attention. When I find myself twisting and turning in something, usually my mind, a random song will jump in and speak to that exact thing, open it up and call me to take a different look. This happens a lot.
I’ve been sticking myself in a dynamic with my ex after choosing to live in his reality for the last three months. Not a romantic, I want you back sticky, more of, how are you still in my world of choices sticky, and guess what theme song decided to support my process?
Have you heard the lyrics to that song? How much more clear can that message be? It took one round of listening to it before I was in laughter and hearing the questions to break me free, the vows I made that I’ve held hostage in the in-between that I choose from. Yowza and Dance Party!
and how do these songs contribute to the point of view of relationships? That’s a whole other can of awareness to open up at another time.
We make vows to people and they stick us, some are conscious and we are aware and some are sneaky little bastards that hide in the in-between space directing our choices that cut us off and keep us unaware, or that is what I do, you probably don’t do that.
The conscious choice:
- I will let go of my job to support you building your career so that we can stay together and you can let go of your resentment of me.
The unconscious vow:
- I will never make more money than you and I will always contribute to you making money.
- I will never out create you and always stay small so that you can shine.
Can that feel any heavier, UGH, right?
What is your theme song this week?
I’ve continued to have dance parties over the years alone and with my children. I use this tool whenever the energy gets too heavy and I just need to dance it out. About a year ago, I experienced something interesting while living with a girlfriend. She was very specific about what she was okay with in this living arrangement and I quickly determined that my ritual of dance party would be halted as long I as lived with her. For a couple of months I saw nothing that even hinted of wild dancing till one night, I came home early and unexpected to find it happening. My initial reaction was excitement and then very curious, giving the secrecy and her reaction. We briefly talked about this and I shared my enthusiasm for more and confusion based on the rules and she shared her nervousness about being that vulnerable in front of others. I walked away from that with questions and curiosity.
- What is that about?
- How often has this been my reality?
- Where does this come from?
I was sucked back to when I boldly held dance party in front of my ex husband’s judgements. I say in front of as he would sit in the background and watch, not participate and although I would continue I could sense so many different things. Some could be perceived as positive, compliments, while others, negative and degrading and all of them came to me in the same way and I had to resist stopping and/or crawling out of my skin. I didn’t get my level of awareness at the time so guess what I thought?
Something was wrong with me.
and guess what I did?
Stopped being me and dancing wildly in that relationship.
How many times have you been aware of other peoples points of view and adopted them as something wrong with you?
Where have you stopped being wildly you for the comfort of others?